Manifest attendee who's trying for a baby now (at age 29). I'm so jealous I could gag – I didn't feel that way when I was in my early twenties and I still don't feel that way, but given my feelings have trended hard enough into babywanting that I'm going for it, I wish I could dial them all the way to the unambiguous wanting you have.
Are you on twitter or anywhere? I've been trying to follow more parents in the rat/EA sphere to prep for parenthood.
That's interesting, I guess I'd never thought to be grateful for the strength of the desire, but you're right that if you want something enough to do it it's usually better to want it maximally and unambiguously. So it is something to be grateful for.
I'm not on twitter or anywhere, I am too easily addicted to such things.
Best of luck with the baby trying! And hope you can make it to Manifest again this year :)
Thank you for sharing such an earnest part of life and your thought process. As a coastal elite who is antinatalist, I am both excited for you as a friend and curious of the value information from this experiment!
"[T]he same aptitudes that make 21 year olds better at staying out all night drinking also make them better at staying up all night nursing a newborn..." Wow, this is an amazing point that never occurred to me before. My ability to do psets through the night and sleep at odd hours that I once had in college and that had long deserted me by the time my baby was born--evolution intended that ability to be used on the baby! It would have been so much easier back then! Good lord! Oh well. I don't really regret waiting 10 years longer than you did. But it is disappointing, the massive gap between when evolution planned for me to have kids and when my career permitted it.
Anyway, congratulations! I hope life with Ada is going amazingly!
The first 9-18 months can be particularly rough, especially for the mother, as your mom probably told you. But it gets better and better as they get older.
I feel like for the great majority of people the #1 determinant of quality of life in the later part of your life and old age is how many kids / grandchildren you have and have a good relationship with. It’s worth more than millions in the bank.
I'm so happy to read this! I didn't have baby fever bad like you did but I always knew i wanted to have kids, in the way that people know what their favorite color is, so we had them as soon as we could afford it (age 26). I don't meet many people who feel the same way here in San Francisco. For anyone reading this that is delaying due to not being able to find the right person -- I think I would never find the right person on dating apps either, because my husband (who is the right person) and I have no hobbies in common. So keep an open mind, I guess! We were lucky to have started dating in high school.
Congratulations! I also had my first child at 21. It was great. I did miss out on my hopes for a career though, but cause and effect is not clear at all in that case.
this was really wonderful to read, rachel!
1) i can’t wait to meet your & austin’s kid. they’re gonna be awesome, and they’ll have such _wonderful_ parents.
2) you’re really good at writing! i’m looking forward to reading more of your thoughts :)
3) in particular, i’d be interested to hear your thoughts on parenting — not just _having_ a kid, but how you intend to _raise_ it
4) CONGRATS!!! 🥳
If I was your kid, I think it would be very cool if I got to read something like this one day. Hope you keep writing.
Manifest attendee who's trying for a baby now (at age 29). I'm so jealous I could gag – I didn't feel that way when I was in my early twenties and I still don't feel that way, but given my feelings have trended hard enough into babywanting that I'm going for it, I wish I could dial them all the way to the unambiguous wanting you have.
Are you on twitter or anywhere? I've been trying to follow more parents in the rat/EA sphere to prep for parenthood.
That's interesting, I guess I'd never thought to be grateful for the strength of the desire, but you're right that if you want something enough to do it it's usually better to want it maximally and unambiguously. So it is something to be grateful for.
I'm not on twitter or anywhere, I am too easily addicted to such things.
Best of luck with the baby trying! And hope you can make it to Manifest again this year :)
Thank you for sharing such an earnest part of life and your thought process. As a coastal elite who is antinatalist, I am both excited for you as a friend and curious of the value information from this experiment!
"[T]he same aptitudes that make 21 year olds better at staying out all night drinking also make them better at staying up all night nursing a newborn..." Wow, this is an amazing point that never occurred to me before. My ability to do psets through the night and sleep at odd hours that I once had in college and that had long deserted me by the time my baby was born--evolution intended that ability to be used on the baby! It would have been so much easier back then! Good lord! Oh well. I don't really regret waiting 10 years longer than you did. But it is disappointing, the massive gap between when evolution planned for me to have kids and when my career permitted it.
Anyway, congratulations! I hope life with Ada is going amazingly!
Good for you - smart choice.
The first 9-18 months can be particularly rough, especially for the mother, as your mom probably told you. But it gets better and better as they get older.
I feel like for the great majority of people the #1 determinant of quality of life in the later part of your life and old age is how many kids / grandchildren you have and have a good relationship with. It’s worth more than millions in the bank.
I'm so happy to read this! I didn't have baby fever bad like you did but I always knew i wanted to have kids, in the way that people know what their favorite color is, so we had them as soon as we could afford it (age 26). I don't meet many people who feel the same way here in San Francisco. For anyone reading this that is delaying due to not being able to find the right person -- I think I would never find the right person on dating apps either, because my husband (who is the right person) and I have no hobbies in common. So keep an open mind, I guess! We were lucky to have started dating in high school.
Congratulations! I also had my first child at 21. It was great. I did miss out on my hopes for a career though, but cause and effect is not clear at all in that case.
Great for you! I had kids at 32, and ot was defintely too late. Unfortunately for me, it took me a while to find the one.
This is great. I have been looking for a blog like this! Would love to read more updates from this perspective.